Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

"happiness hit her like a bullet in the back"

i saw my shrink on tuesday. updated him on what was going on around here. he was really worried about me. i hadn't really thought about it, but my meds are really working. i haven't even thought about hurting myself. he told me that was great, but if anything happened, like if i snap suddenly and hurt myself or end up in the psych ward, he is to be notified immediately, he told me. i passed the message on to doc.

and then there's doc. we had it out this morning. it felt great to get to some truth for a change. with both of us. i told him all the feelings i've been keeping in for three years, since he told me he didn't love me. he told me a lot of his feelings. which was not a first, but maybe a third or fourth.

i found a couple of places on craigslist. one place is in a questionable neighborhood, but is going to be checked out anyway. the other is dreamy like the first. it's out someplace called Painted Desert. which sounds dreamy. it's also blessed with a pool, which is not something we were looking for, but i could really get into taking care of it and the attached hot tub.

i still have hope he'll pull it together. i'm resigned to my decision still. but i am giving him until the 30th. we'll see if we can pull it off. i will help him by combing craigslist and packing the apartment, but the rest is up to him.

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