Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i think i'm losing myself. i don't know if it's the meds or what. i feel more and more disconnected from everything. i'm completely shutting down. i call kelli and just say nothing. i miss her. i'm still not over the excitement of her being here and all the stuff we did. mostly i'm still traumatized by the security incident at the courthouse with doc. it's all just so confused. i'm so empty.

once we move it will be better. doc is definitely buying a car this weekend so we can go look at houses and find somewhere to live. we have to be out of here at the end of the month. i live in a fantasy of after we move and i have a room to myself. i'm getting tired of the couch. i want to sleep on a bed again. and i have it all planned out. how i'm going to build my bed into a tent. i spend a lot of time wondering which cats will sleep in my room and which cats will sleep in doc's room. i'm getting the master bedroom so i have a bathroom in my room and i have the largest room. i plan on setting up my two computers, the old ones. they have software on them that i can use.

leeloo has become a major cuddle kitty. she used to not like to be touched, now she loves to curl up with me on the couch and have me pet her. before she jumps up on the couch, she reaches up and pets me for attention. it is the cutest thing ever.

it's almost time to get ragdoll and get her checked out by the vet. my big plot is to move her into the new house before we move the others in, so she's a fixture in the house when they get there. hopefully that will stop any fighting. i still have to find a groomer for her that can shave her. her long fur is so matted. at first i thought she had tumors, then i realized it was fur. i still can't believe that someone would abandon such a beautiful and rare cat. that's just stupid. people blow me away.

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