Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

pictures of you

"laughing, i'm laughing, i'm crying you're lying to me"

i had to hear that song this morning. and i did.

i was up all night coughing and congested and too hot then too cold.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i've had a good couple of years. i haven't been in hospital in almost 2 years. right now i'm concentrating on having a cold and taking care of myself.

i forgot to take my anti psychotic last night. i'm not going to make up the dose. once doc leaves, i'll take some night nurse cold remedy and make up some of the sleep i lost. that should keep me out of trouble for a while. i feel more stable today.

i was listening to How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb and heard Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own. it made me cry. not a lot, i didn't want to cry in front of doc. i see him as my enemy now. he is someone to be wary of. he's given up, there's nothing more to do but be civil to him. a couple of weeks ago we had sex and he told me he loved me. nothing but meaningless pillow talk. not to be trusted. he could lie to me just for sex, the rare times he isn't creeped out by the thought of being with me, as he put it. he's done.

"sometimes you can't make it on your own"

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