Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

happy holidays

i tried to talk to doc last night about my nihilistic self interest and playing with pills. "Stop it." am i in the right place? i don't fit anymore here.

today i got a present from a lab in georgia. it's two swabs and a fed ex envelope. apparently the anti psychotic i'm on requires it. so my doctor arranged for me to get the test. i didn't even know about it. so someone is going to be looking at my genetics. that thought makes me giddy. they have to check for certain markers that will tell them if the medication will work with me. though it seems to be working fine.

doc said it was the holidays making me sad. not true. it's true for him, but not me. i don't miss the holidays. i'm glad we don't celebrate. this isn't the holiday blues i have. this is a death wish. doc told me i was selfish for wanting to die. he's just tired of me and my antics. by dying i would free him. but then he'd have to clean out all my stuff. i could do that for him.

i'm thinking of reactivating my FB account. it was the only contact i had with my kid sister and i miss her a bunch. i want to know how she's doing through the holidays.

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