Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

back up into the 50s

i woke up twitchy this morning. i totally freaked out at one point. doc's home with me to keep an eye on me. i took two more xanax and have calmed down a bit. snakes on the floor, threatening the cats and i have to keep them on the couch with me or in their high spots. where the snakes can't get them and hurt them. the snakes don't bother me, they just go after the cats. doc doesn't see them. he doesn't understand the danger. he doesn't get it at all.

the voices in my head tell me to kill myself. one of them suggested i kill the cats first so i can die knowing that they won't need to be taken care of. i have two bottles of trazadone, that has to be enough to kill me. i can't kill the cats, though. i couldn't hurt them. but myself, i could hurt. i could die. i could end this, doc will be free.

i'm glad doc is home with me today. i'm just lost in the dark forest.
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