i woke up at 5 again. i can't seem to stay awake in the evenings. then i wake up early in the morning having to keep from waking doc and M (M is hard, his room is right off the living room and kitchen and he leaves his door open). watching news shows because i will not watch infomercials. trying to go back to sleep only to get frustrated and angry and get up again. i can get comfortable, i can't turn my head off.
so i get up and i channel surf and i wait until around 7 and make coffee. that's usually when i give up on sleep. so i make the coffee. i make it the way doc likes it, though he won't be up to have any. i'll drink this pot and half of another before he gets up. if it's warm enough outside, i go for a walk and get a soda. it is not warm enough today.
M is leaving and doc is working on Thanksgiving, so i'm having mac and cheese. just like the old days. some years i try to be traditional with a
Thanksgiving style tv dinner. but i'm not feeling it this year. i don't really like turkey. i like stuffing. but only plain stuffing like my mom used to make, no nuts or mushrooms or dried fruit or liquor or anything. just bread crumbs, sausage, stock and celery if she was feeling fancy. she was a good cook. basic, but except for vegetables, a good cook. vegetables she boiled to within an inch of their lives.
i made doc stay home with me yesterday. all i need is something to entertain me during the rough afternoon hours. he wasn't really any good for that, but his being here helped. at four thirty i went to sleep and at 5 he went over to the guys'. i decided around 8 to go out for a walk, and walked out of the apartment and he was at the bottom of the stairs, just getting home. he brought me a soda and a hamburger and curly fries.
oh, M is up. that's right, he has to leave in an hour. time has gotten away from me. why can't it be that way all the time? in the afternoons, specifically? why is it that when he leaves, i relax? i guess i'm afraid he's going to blame me every time he turns up missing some puff. and that's potential confrontation. i'm not a confrontation kind of person. and i shouldn't be afraid if i don't do anything wrong. whether he believes me or not.
i hear doc coughing. that means he's awake to some point. he's hours from getting up. i hope. i'm not ready to deal with him yet. i'm having a peaceful morning. he stresses me out the way he just sits there and says nothing. makes me wonder what he's thinking and know that it's likely incomprehensible to me.