Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

the bitching hour

this is the time of day when i get squirrelly. i took two and a half xanax and i'm waiting for them to kick in. i've already been for a walk. got the mail. can't sleep. nothing to do. i could clean something, but i'm too lazy and very soon i will be too medicated. can't come soon enough. i wish i knew what triggered me in the afternoon. it's the light, i think. we can't close the blinds so the sun reflects off the big dirt hill and pierces my brain. bright light is not my friend.

if i can just get through the next two hours, it will be dark. then things will be better. NCIS will be on at 4. around sunset.

the xanax is kicking in. i'm starting to feel better.

why can i fall asleep while doc is getting ready to go, but i can't go back to sleep after he leaves. my mind is spinning. i'm headed for the dark forest. i don't want to be in the dark forest. i want to be in my happy place, the beach at rehoboth. the first vacation i went on after leaving douchebag. kelli and i met two friends at the beach and stayed in their hotel room and spent a lot of the time at the beach and at gay clubs. fun times. hence, my happy place.

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