Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i'm bored again. there's nothing to do but chores. and they'll take me all of a half an hour, so i'm kind of saving them for 4:30 when i'm really losing it and still have a half hour before NCIS. i went for a walk and got cigs and a soda. i had two arby's sandwiches for breakfast. doc says he's going to buy me dinner then brings it home late at night when i'm past eating.

i'm thinking of taking all the art off the walls. i'm tired of looking at it. i took two murals down in the bedroom before i moved out of there. now i want to purge the walls in here. i just have no where to put the art once i take it down. i'd like to clean the apartment, but doc's stuff is everywhere and i'm rightly afraid to move it. i'm so tired of it here.

but i suppose that is partly a symptom of the boredom. i was doing well this morning until doc left and i realized i'd be sober all day. now i'm freaking out about it. i'm medicated, i'll be fine. but the anxiety over it may well give me a stroke. maybe i should take another xanax and chill out.

or a xanax and three quarters. that's what came out of the bottle. i've asked doc not to leave less than whole xanax bars in the bottle. he doesn't listen. so i take them with my regular dose, or in this case, my irregular dose. it gets them out of the bottle and out of my hand, hee.

now the sun is behind clouds. when i went for my walk, it was out full strength. not all that hot, it's only mid 80s outside. but it's bright out. too bright. next year when i get my glasses, i'm getting Transitions that turn dark in the bright light. doc got them this year and really likes them. as much as doc really likes anything. he doesn't really get enthused about anything. the new episode of Weeds or Dexter, maybe. it's hard to tell with him. you can't even tell when he's drunk most of the time. sometimes he gets talkative and i know that way, but other than that, i never know when he's drinking. which isn't often.

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