i can't deal with this boredom sober. that's my whole problem. and i've been sober for two days.
this morning i actually yelled at felix without provocation. i of course gave him some bologna and pets and made it up to him. he seemed a little confused. he and freddie are hiding out sleeping right now. she's gotten good at getting onto the bed and is quickly making it her home. there's room for her and leeloo and felix without conflict, but i'll be surprised when it finally happens.
i was wrong about felix, he's not hiding out. he's on the back of the couch kicking me in the head in his sleep. scared the hell out of me.
it's amazing how much better i feel after that shower. i should do it more often. my hygiene leaves a lot to be desired. it's my fear of the shower that keeps me from it. ever since the incident at the hospital, i've been scared of the shower, that someone's going to pounce in on me and attack me. and no one will be there to help, just like at the hospital. but once i'm done with the shower i always feel so much better. both emotionally and physically.
i've come to terms with my curly hair. i'm going for the neil gaiman look. right now i'm rocking the greg brady perm hair. not really flattering, but entertaining to me. i don't know how long i'm going to let it get. i do know i'm going to get it professionally cut this time. to give it some shape and make it less likely to tangle. i'm also not dying it. my grey hairs are few and far between, and i'd like to see what color my hair really is when it's long. it's much darker than i remember it, but then i've been dying it since i was 14. once it grows out and gets cut to the style i want, maybe i'll go back to being a redhead, or maybe a blonde. there's not enough blonds with naturally curly hair.
i have this contraption that stuffs tobacco into pre-rolled tubes with filters. so that's what i mean when i say i stuffed some cigarettes. which i did. doc says i need to keep my hands busy. so stuffing cigs is a way to pass a half an hour.
i haven't napped at all today. with the xanax i'm taking, i'm afraid to go to sleep. maybe i'll go for a walk and get a soda. that will keep me awake. i won't go to sleep while there's soda around. that sounds scary, i think i'll stay right here.