Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

mid 90s today

i woke up having a panic attack over having only one cigarette left. so i stuffed more cigs until i felt better. i made coffee and took my meds. i really need that xanax to kick in. now that i've had my second smoke i feel better, if my throat hurts a little. i smoked it fast.

i forgot to take my night meds last night so i had all manner of bad dreams. luckily i can remember none of them, just a basic feeling of dread. i have to take my meds at night. the antispychotic is important, but the trazadone for dreamless sleep is just as important.

first cup of coffee. soothing, the hot sweet liquid. tasting a bit of hazelnut and sweetened to within an inch of its life. it tastes so sweet.

felix has started sleeping with me on the couch. a bit of a tight fit and i find him in all manner of contorted positions in the mornings. then he lets me pet and cuddle him. that's the way to wake up in the morning. lots of love, unconditional love. a fuzzy face looking up at you with love. that's the way to wake up.
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