Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

triple digits today? ugh

it took two hours, but the morning panic attack is over and i'm feeling pretty good. i keep blacking out, though. but my meds will be here in a week and i can switch back from risperdone to prolixin. at that point, the blackouts should stop. sometimes i think i mess with my meds too much, but it seemed better to me to switch while i was out of prolixin instead of going without an anti psychotic for two weeks. things would have gotten ugly. as it is, the risperdone doesn't completely control my symptoms. the tv is talking to me and i keep seeing shit. the voices are distracting at this time, but they're not coherent. and i'm completely convinced that M is going to kill me. somewhere deep down i know that's wrong, but the prevailing feeling is extreme fear of him. and he's being totally nice to me. it's complicated, it's out of my hands. my head is just going to roam free for a few more days until the right med gets here and then i can put a leash back on it.

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