i woke up in a good mood and feeling good. could be because i slept all the way through the morning. felix right beside me. he meowed when i opened my eyes. i checked the clock and saw it was time to get up. and so i did. and so i got dressed, and so i came out here and made coffee and had a cigarette. yes, i smoked it inside. i'm so bad. the talk doc and i had did wonders for my attitude. i need to talk to him more about the stuff i hold inside about him. we really cleared the air. he told me things haven't ended, they've changed. we're more like brother and sister now. not the most encouraging, since we both have weird relationships with our brothers and sisters, but certainly clarifying. i can live with that. i can live like that. it's the apathy i was sensing that was not acceptable to me. he wants me and my doctor to look into alzheimer medication for my memory. he's not going to be happy until my memory comes back, and i don't think it's going to.