Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

i'm lonely. i'm not feeling social, or i would go chat somewhere. i'm waiting for a couple of xanax to kick in. i took a bunch last night. not enough to OD or anything, just enough to run into every wall in the apartment and make doc cross with me about something. doesn't matter what i do. he gets cross with me. it must be hard for him to live with someone he hates so much. well fuck him. he's a miserable, hateful person. he made a commitment and he's stuck with me. hows that for a bad attitude? i feel like that sometimes. mainly when he's around resenting me. i wish he was a better actor.

i've spoken to him. sometimes i can't help but voice my opinion. he's spoken to me three times over the past four days and twice it was to yell at me. i feel persecuted. he's out to break me, to make me kill myself so he doesn't have to deal with me anymore. i know he is. i told him i was crazy in the very beginning. he was three years into me unmedicated when he decided to marry me. he doesn't have to love me, but he could stop beating me down. he's out to get me. and it's not fair.
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