Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

wispy clouds and breezes

i can't stop shaking. i thought i was done with this morning anxiety bullshit. i guess it isn't that bad, i'm just impatient.

i was surprised when i woke up that bin laden was still dead (i had some vivid dreams. i thought that was one of them.). and surprised that there hadn't been any attacks or threats. grateful about that last part. could it be that bin laden was only important to us anymore? do you remember the calls of his faithful that they would strike with furious vengeance were he to be harmed. maybe not so much anymore.

i'm glad we finally got him. they had to bury him at sea, no one would take his body. poor fishies. what if he turns into a zombie and organizes the sharks? all they've really been missing is a leader. they shot him in the head, which might remove the zombie threat, but with bin laden i wouldn't be too sure. i'm just saying. watch out for suicide sharks. you never know. weirder things have happened. . . no, i guess they haven't, but they could.

M doesn't buy the zombie theory. he wants to know why we didn't bring the body home and (in not so many words) fly it like a flag. i explained because we are kind and until the end follow the religious beliefs of a mass murdering psychopath. he mumbled something and the conversation was over. that's how most of my conversations with M end. he wanders away mumbling something and i give a gratuitous laugh. communication SO important in this place, hehehehehehe.

i wish doc and i would get silly more. i have to get my silliness out with kelli. M doesn't indulge me much, he has this deadpan look that just makes me feel like i've lost him to a far away world, probably with a lot of guns and gore. doc and i get silly sometimes. but he always gets upset afterward, just like he does when we get along for a prolonged period of time. it just puts him in a worse mood later. i should smarten up and look for that. then i can avoid it. or stay absolutely silent and obedient. thus saving my calm.

he's been getting up early to get things accomplished. usually making me do something. while he does something else, which i guess is fair. but he watches over me and stops me and criticizes me and i don't have very thick skin. so it hasn't been going well. i'm getting used to it, though. i'm just a rebellious teen, he tells me. which at 41 infuriates me. i'm a rebellious adult if anything. and i think my impulse control is pretty good.

i still have a problem eating. now it makes me sick to eat. the actual process of chewing and having something mushy in my mouth skeeves me out completely. doc doesn't care. rightly so, he insists that i eat. even so, i can usually go his working days without eating because he's not around to notice and nag. i know it's not good for me, but i don't know how to get over that skeevy feeling.

felix's cat friend was out on the front porch last night when i went out to empty the vacuum canister. i got a close look at him, he's got a sore about the size of a quarter on his side that's open and in need of a vet consult. which would involve catching a feral cat and i don't know if i have it in me. i actually don't want felix playing with him anymore and i wish i could do something about it. but felix has his own mind and his own escape route off the balcony, he'll play with who he wants. he's going in for his shots this summer. he can get in the carrier and ride up the hill with me and get pricked and prodded. he can even get his rabies tag for the collar he doesn't have yet.

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