i had a dream last night where a girl was looking at my nipple ring with admiration. no more, just that. i can't even finish an erotic dream, that is how off put by sex that i am. and i can't imagine being naked in front of someone. i get nervous when doc's around and i'm in my underwear. i never let him see me naked anymore. when i was a kid i was really unconcerned with my body image. but now it seems like i've been ashamed of my body for so long. i'm too fat, i'm too thin, i'm too old. i try not to think about it.
doc was asleep when i got up. passed out in his chair. i woke him up and sent him to bed. he's so cute when he sleep walks. since he went to bed so early i get to get him up at three instead of four. we spend more time together in the afternoons, when he's waking up and no fun at all. but he's getting more sleep ultimately and that's what matters.
oooh, today is wednesday. the tudors is on. and it's my stay up late night. BBC world news at 2am, here i come. last night i went to bed at an unprecedented 1am. very early. i wasn't interested in craig ferguson's interview of larry king. so i went to bed. i still didn't wake up until after 9. i try to be up at 9. doc usually doesn't go to bed until 10. tomorrow he'll go to bed late.
this weekend i'm learning how to drive the scooter. it opens up a whole new level of fear. once i know how to drive it, doc will expect me to take it to doctor's appointments and out and about and such. eep. i don't know how to get to my doctor. not yet. if i can get him to take me one more time, i should be able to get it. if not, a map and a wish would do i suppose.