Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

60s and sunny

doc and i had a bit of a breakthrough today. when he suggests i do something, i immediately jump up and do it, sometimes with some attitude. he wanted to know why i reacted that way. i realized when i was growing up, when my mother "suggested" something, it meant "do it now". so i'm just used to jumping up and doing it before i get in trouble or get called lazy. gave doc some insight into my behavior. me too.

i got to have the bedroom window open again last night. again it was dreamy. i love the fresh desert air.

i went up and paid the rent today, they were so busy i didn't even mention the lease. or the work order to fix M's ceiling fan.

doc's chair broke again. it really is time to get him a new one. so he's been sitting on the love seat with me. it makes me so nervous to sit that close to him. though today i asked for a hug and he gave me one. that's the second time in six months i've asked for a hug and i've gotten one both times. he can say no and i would understand, he is not a touchy feely kind of guy. we never really did cuddle or hold hands or anything like that.

sometimes my head spins like a top
it goes around very fast
but never seems to go anywhere
during these times i am lost
in my own little reality
like nothing around me matters
none of it is real to me and
i don't know how to snap out of it
i will usually take a nap
and wake up with a much calmer brain
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