Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

mid to upper 70s

chloe died a week ago now. we got her urn in the post today. doc didn't open it, he just put it away. i went to sleep at one this morning, i couldn't stay up until one thirty, the exact time she died last wednesday. couldn't do that. it's so sad. and it's going to be so much worse once we get her ashes back and doc mourns. he needs to mourn, but he's bottling it all up for two weeks before letting it out. i just can't believe she's gone. i never realized what a constant presence she was until now. i still think i see her out of the corner of my eye. i called her for dinner the other night. this will fade, i know that from henry's death. it's so acute at first. overwhelming and powerful. it takes some time to get used to.

i was going to walk up and get something to eat, but decided to stay here and eat leftovers. i keep forgetting about my mp3 player, and how it makes it easier to go out. had it occurred to me, i would have walked up. if i get hungry again before dark, i will go for a walk. i don't know that i'm ready yet to go back out at night. that was too scary last time.

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