i always hope i can open up here and describe what is going on in my head. it's like being in a dark maze. there are flashes of images in the dark. confusion, flashbacks, desperately gripped memories, dream images. all the time, a full time onslaught. and it gets so much worse without meds. which i have plenty of for this new order cycle. finally. but my head does its own thing and it's constant. i distract myself with small tasks and tv. i sleep in starts and fits during the day and now in the evening, when my brain quiets down for a bit, i can get some rest. it's exhausting really. if i didn't use sleeping meds at night, i would never get any rest.
i have to go get bloodwork done and i have no clue where the lab is, or how i will get there. i need to learn to drive the scooter, then i could do stuff during the day and get used to getting out of the house. i'm determined to get to the doctor on my own in three months, and not by bus either. if i learn the back streets to avoid the major traffic like doc does, i'll be fine.