a couple of nights ago i got it into my head to walk up and get myself a western cheeseburger. it was after dark but i thought i would be fine. but there were people in the shadows and the lights from the cars blinded me and it was so not worth it. it was the worst experience in my life. i came home and sat in the bedroom and sobbed. by the time i calmed down enough to eat, the burger was cold. and doc tells me i should go to my doctor's appointment alone in two weeks, suggesting i take the scooter. why would he do that? abandon me, i don't know the way to the doctors, let alone on the scooter, which involves back streets. what if he really doesn't take me? what do i do? i can't get there on my own and i have to get there to get my prescriptions for the next three months, this is not an appointment i can blow off.
i'm so confused. and it makes me angry. so i've been lashing out at him when i don't mean to because everything he does infuriates me now. he's so contrary, such a hypocrite . . . i don't know what to make of it.