Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

nothin' but panic

what am i so afraid of?

i got up after doc went to sleep and if i hadn't had to pill and take care of chloe, i would have flipped out. now she's sleeping in her kennel. we leave the door to the kennel open in the evening and i have to watch her when she gets out. she's feeling better. she's still shaky but she's getting braver about leaving her kennel and wandering around. and still looking for places to hide. i pulled her out from under the chair earlier. she was not happy and howled at me about it. stress. i'm afraid something will happen to her on my watch.

since i was taking care of her, i forgot to take my own meds until just a few minutes ago. i'm frazzled and i've only been up for two hours. i had a cup of coffee but i think i'm going to lay down for a while. once the xanax kicks in and chills me out a little bit.

i didn't go get my glasses yesterday. doc wouldn't get out of bed. he says we're going monday morning. i'll believe it when it happens.

he asked me last night if things have been better the last few days and i told him infinitely. he said i've been good too. he said he had no idea he perpetuated my illness. there has been an epiphany. he hasn't been yelling, i haven't been cowering and keeping to myself. cause and effect. i just needed him to understand that when things get hostile, a grown up child of abuse is going to revert back to safety mode. i think he gets it now. i don't want to jinx it, but things are going really well.
Subscribe

  • dry hot and dusty as hell

    My last surviving grand parent died a couple of weeks ago. Two days to the hour o my Nana's death, my favorite cat, Boo, died in my arms. The grief…

  • Hey there, hi there, ho there

    I'm back, bitches and bastards, TC paid for a forever pass, I should use it. The cops came over and did a welfare check about a month ago. My…

  • Got Caught Stealing

    Having had yet another clever thing stolen by a bunch of what I have to assume are white middle aged hate macines; The line in my twitter profile…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments