yesterday i threw away an old dead vacuum cleaner we had that he had put out on the porch. i thought if it was on the front porch it was for the garbage, so i took the initiative and took it to the dumpster. that's what set him off yesterday. he didn't want it thrown away and i was unspeakably stupid for doing so. when i do "absolutely nothing", what could i possibly have been thinking doing something on my own like that.
why does everything have to be about making me feel smaller and less human? why am i crying at 9:30 in the morning?
now my only dealing with him today will be after i've been to the dentist and after he's woken up, likely grumpy.
this xmas is going to be suck