i woke up at 9 and meant to get up but then it was 10 and i got up right as doc was going to bed, so i got to talk to him. that calmed me down some. then i came out here and put on the chilean miner rescue for an hour and am now listening barely to local news. M is up so i can hear the tv and make some noise, within reason. doc is asleep and i am in need of a cup of coffee.
coffee makes it all better. i'd better eat something soon.
again, i have already blacked out today, so unless things somehow change radically, i'm not getting near the scooter. plus i have to admit that i'm more than a little trepidacious about it. i wanted to get up early enough to go out with doc so he could show me the switches and such. but i fell back to sleep without even realizing it. oh well, tomorrow he is off and if i have to learn to ride in the dark in the parking lot, so be it. tomorrow morning or tomorrow evening. then i can go out and get my penicillin which is waiting for me at the pharmacy. that's the two mile each way walk i don't want to take because there's no shade the whole way. it's mostly flat and there are no storms threatening. but i still don't want to walk it. i'll take the scooter for a little baptism by fire. the street i live on is under construction all the way down to the pharmacy, i will have to ride with traffic. instead of taking up the edge of the bike lane. at least merging left at the pharmacy will be easier.
i would have stayed in bed this morning but i have determined that, for whatever reason, interacting with doc when i first get up stops the panic. i don't know why and i don't much care. it's not like he's all lovey dovey in the morning. but usually he has things to say to me which make sense. it turns my brain on and gives me something to think about. i think that's the key. he gets me distracted right off the bat.
M is going out to get cigarettes tonight. we go in cycles, getting native american made smokes once a month or so and the rest of the time i smoke the generics from the local corner store. and the generic 100s burn in less than ten minutes while the others burn in 15 or so. plus they taste better than the generics. and that's what doc wants to get me the kit for. papers, roller, tobacco, filters the whole lot to roll my own. but i don't know if that will happen any time soon. the shop is only open while doc is asleep.
i have to get a grip on my blackouts, i have to get on that scooter. my therapist has moved his office by now and i want to be able to get there without two buses and a long walk. time to go eat something soft. yogurt sounds good, unless the bananas are ripe.