Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

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back up into the 90s, not too hot

from my private journal . . .
i can survive anything he would do to me. it isn't like he would hurt me intentionally. he would never. i'm just so needy about approval and attention. i no longer crave negative attention as a replacement for positive, which just turns me into a need machine and a lot of my energy while doc is up and around with me just trying to keep the need at bay and my mouth shut. i don't think he knows this, and i don't think it would do either of us any good if he did know. he calls me need machine, but i don't really think he has any idea.

just thought i'd share that epiphany. i don't seek out negative attention like i used to. i've actually grown out of a problem.

my wound is half scared over. it looks hideous, and i've been wearing tshirts that fit me, the sleeves don't cover it. i may just keep bandaids on it for a while. i may ask doc to get me some vitamin e oil. it may improve the look of it before 6 months pass by.

i'm watching an "inbetweeners" marathon on BBC america, i love this show. it's about four losers in high school in the uk. it's hilarious, they embarrass themselves in the most original ways. it's refreshing for a sitcom. i like most of the shows on BBC america. i didn't like surivors or primeval but i didn't give them much of a chance. it just sucks for the late night stuff. which is actually good because we don't have the channel in the bedroom we only have basic cable in there. i usually just find something on basic cable to watch for a half an hour and then fall asleep to. usually it's adult swim on cartoon network because there are no paid advertising. shows stay on round the clock. i wake up to animee sometimes in the mornings, but it's better than waking up to a screaming brit with a product to sell.

doc went shopping in the night. he got me more yogurt. we have bananas but i'm just not that into them. i'd rather have a yogurt. and that's my meal for the day. the rest of the day i drink copious amounts of water and a couple of cups of coffee. no, not the most healthy, but it does me. i hated yogurt as a kid and as an adult i still do if it's fruit flavored other than lemon and a brand other than yoplait, that's the only brand i'll eat, the rest have a weird texture.

i have to go vacuum the kitchen and set up the coffee to get doc up. he works today. his first day back to work each week is the worst because there isn't a thing on tv and he's not around for company. plus M goes to bed early so i have to be extra quiet. it's very hard to stay up until 2 on a sunday, i get bored.
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