Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

it'll be 104 on friday but today it's 85

so what do i do with the rest of my life? i've done shit all until now. that's not true, i put out two CDs, wrote a book that will never be published but i'm proud of nonetheless. but what do i do from now on? now should start at some point, i can't stay here in limbo forever. there must be more than tending doc and the cats. cryo suggested i go back to web work and design. but i'm years behind now. i've been in limbo for so long. the haldol years did me in. set me straight in my ways of sluggishness. at least i have my brain back now.

i have to go on the bus in a week. i had a dream i had a heart attack and died on my way home from this trip. i have to go to the doctor's office. it's time to up my sleeper med and get prescriptions for the next three months. i wish the appointment had been today, i should have called about cancellations. it's so cool out and i have no idea how it will be in a week, likely back to hot. maybe it will be cloudy and windy again like last time. i watch the local weather obsessively.

the cats have all disappeared into their sleeping corners. all except felix, who must sleep in direct line of sight from me. he's on top of the couch where he spends very little time. usually his time is split between the carpeted cylinder, the top of the cupboard where the hamster cage and lamp are and my feet. i guess he wanted a higher perspective of the room. it must really suck to be as short as a cat. he didn't sleep with me this morning, i'm always disappointed when i wake up alone. even if doc is in bed, he sleeps at the other end of the bed anyway, and felix sleeps with me. waking up without the weight of felix on my legs or the soft purr of him at my face is disconcerting. i wish i could talk to him about it, but i don't speak catenese.

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