today is a better day than yesterday. i ended up in chat for a couple hours talking with someone about it and later called a suicide prevention line. their advice was to go to the hospital. obviously i didn't do that. the whole point of me calling was to stay out of the hospital. i just kept a grip on myself all day.
doc knew about it when he woke up, i told him. he didn't really have a reaction. didn't call me at his lunch break to check on me, didn't ask how things went when i got up. i think he is beyond caring at this point.
kelli really helped me out. i called her and she talked to me until my mood lifted. she's always good for that. she is my bestest friend and i wish she didn't live across the country from me. i wish i had just one friend here.
most of the people on chat are from other countries or the east of this one. i find it very unlikely i will be able to find someone nearby to connect with. but that doesn't matter so much. it's not a social networking site so much as a safe and supportive one. i spend all day on it, mostly lurking still, but talking with people more and more.
i have a purpose, to take care of the cats. it's not the greatest purpose or the most important one. but it's solid. i have lives to look after. i have to do the little things i do with doc. just making his coffee helps him immensely. i guess yesterday i just didn't think there was much point to it.
