Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

turning away

he turns away from me again
which is better than when he pulls away
which he doesn't do so much now
i'm always careful not to touch him
he sleeps alone all day
and works at night while i sleep
we barely see each other
and he seems to breathe easier that way
while i hold my breath
i don't dare to breathe
he can be too mean
and i try to turn away again
i wish he knew how it felt when he pulled away
and if he does, he really is mean
i try to pretend this is natural
that caregiver burnout can lead to this
but that it's reversible
that i can get better and pull this out of the toilet
but i know i won't get better
i know the nature of my illness and
i know it can be controlled, not cured
and i try to do everything he says
even everything he suggests
i am ready when he needs me
if he ever needs me to help him
which i think he does, but
he could be just keeping me busy
and it came down to this
his turning away from me again
Subscribe

  • dry hot and dusty as hell

    My last surviving grand parent died a couple of weeks ago. Two days to the hour o my Nana's death, my favorite cat, Boo, died in my arms. The grief…

  • Hey there, hi there, ho there

    I'm back, bitches and bastards, TC paid for a forever pass, I should use it. The cops came over and did a welfare check about a month ago. My…

  • Got Caught Stealing

    Having had yet another clever thing stolen by a bunch of what I have to assume are white middle aged hate macines; The line in my twitter profile…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments