i had to stop and rest a couple of times on the walk home, which is uphill, but i made it home in one piece, as doc said. now i just have to do it again in a week, and then i can not think about it for three months while i learn to take other buses to other destinations.
i'm so glad it's over. i freaked out about it big time last night, i had to call kelli and have her talk me down, which she did quite well. she's really good at that. she can always talk me down off the ledge.
this morning i was calm about it, which could have been the xanax i took or it could have been how i broke leaving down into different steps. then i concentrated on one step at a time and concentrated on that. that got me through preparations to leave without being all nervous and panicky.
but i did it and it's done and i can do it again with no problem. the only challenge is can i make it to the doctor's in time from being let off the bus. but if i don't get lost again i should be there in plenty of time for my appointment. after the appointment there is plenty of time for me to get back to the bus stop, which is good because the buses only come once an hour that time of day. oh, one other challenge, today it was 90 something and windy and cloudy, which kept me cool. next tuesday the temp will be up to 105 degrees and i don't know if there will be wind or clouds. i'll have to freeze my water bottle, the ice i packed it with this morning didn't last very long. by the end of the trip, the water was the same temperature as the air outside, that didn't help anything. or i could possibly get more ice at the corner store between my doctor's and the bus stop i use to go home.
i feel relieved. and much less scared. i'm ready for next week. i'm ready to go on my own and see the doctor. i'm getting better. slowly, but i'm getting better. an entire outing without one panic attack. that's one for the record books.