my birthday came and went without cake. when i asked for cake i was reminded by doc that i have bad teeth and am overweight. i'm really getting tired of turning the other cheek to his cheekiness. and his grumpiness. i'm clenching my teeth as i write this, just as i was when i was doing his ironing today. i don't do it consciously. i've also been clenching my teeth when i talk to him, which unfortunately really pisses him off. ah, so he's pissed off. he's pissed at me most of the time anyway. i'm always doing something wrong, no matter how hard i try to do everything right.
his schedule is driving me crazy and it is going to last for four months. i had my day scheduled out with housework and busywork and tv shows in between. now i start the work two hours earlier and end up with extra free time somehow. so i end up chain smoking at times and mostly missing my shows, not that they aren't all reruns anyway. then the evenings are the same, wherein i wrestle with whether or not to nap and watch tv. it doesn't get bad until around midnight when doc was home on his old schedule, time starts to crawl and i start to think of bed even though i need to stay up until two thirty to get my sleep schedule off the early shift it was on. i don't like being the only one up. i don't like having to be quiet. at least with doc asleep i just shut the door and make all the noise i want to. i just need to stop getting up before M. then i'll be getting up after doc goes to bed so i can avoid his morning grumpiness. then i just have the afternoons to look forward to, to the wonders of waking him up.
i've become his human alarm clock and while it's all just an alarm to him, to me it's the most stressful time of the day. having to go in and wake him up every fifteen minutes. and he doesn't wake up well. not at all.
listen to me being all negative. fuck it all. this is my life and i try to make the best out of it. i'm a bit late in life to be learning compromise, but i'm doing it.