Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

a chance of really high heat

so doc's days off are over for the week and he starts week two of his schedule today. i got through the first week and will get through the following weeks, i just really hope it ends in a few months. i don't know if he's going to be able to keep it up, he's not getting enough sleep. that would kill me.

i talked to kelli about going back on haldol, i miss the sleep and i'm frankly sick of being so alert and bored. and long story short she talked me out of it and reminded me it would probably push doc over the edge. she had a hard time dealing with me on a once a week basis. imagine what living with me was like, with me as a zombie, incapable of the simplest things. no, that's not a place i want to go back to. doc says i sleep too much as it is, but if i didn't sleep to kill time, i would go mad. madder.

part of me wants to go off my meds completely, which i know i won't do. the pristiq is keeping me going and the xanax keeps me from going over the edge.

it's no wonder doc doesn't trust me and doesn't love me anymore. a year of me being as good as dead, completely worthless as a human being to him and to myself and to the world. i would be traumatized if i'd been in his shoes. i need to be more sensitive to him.

  • "you made me happy, oh mandy"

    today is the second anniversarry of our cat, henry's death. we've been mourning him all week and had a rose candle lit. henry liked the smell of the…

  • nightime in the big bright city

    M and i drove down to Freemont Street to see an 80's cover band last night and walk around. a nice couple thought we were a couple and offered to…

  • some photos of the local wildlife

    leeloo, boneless kitty tech, in all his charisma good luck bug noisy and intimidating bug

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.