i wake up with my mind spinning and it doesn't seem to be slowing down today. i may have to take another xanax to shut it up. i have very little to do today and really just want to sleep through it. but i won't.
i'll find something to do to keep me busy. maybe clean up the planting table outside. i need to empty the pots into the potting soil bags and throw away a broken terra cotta pot. then shop vac the whole thing. that may lead to a big porch cleanup. it's cool enough to be outside working without getting overheated and it would take up a lot of time. i'm all about taking up time with projects. i wish i could get into the jewelry thing, but that will come. after i reclean the workroom and throw more stuff away. i'm in a purging place. we're moving out of here next year and the less i have to pack, the better.
i've been calling kelli almost every day. i'm so starved for human contact i can't help myself. M hangs out with me sometimes but mostly not and when we hang out we don't really talk. we watch movies or tv. i need to find friends here/reconnects with the couple of people i do know here. wait . . . one of them moved across the country, i know one person here. and i've lived here 10 years. that's sad. really pathetic. i don't know what to do to change it.
my back is covered with splotchy bruises and i didn't do anything to it. i strained it last week wet vacuuming, but that pain is gone now and the bruising remains. doc says i need to sit back more, i tend to sit indian style with my elbows on my knees, very hunched forward. so i've been trying to sit back. i stopped sleeping on my stomach after getting back problems, i now sleep flat on my back until i wake up at 6am, then i sleep/lay on my side until i get up at 9:30 to get ready to get doc up.
doc just called to tell me he got the electric bill paid, which is something i can stop freaking out about now. i can also stop getting up an hour early to try to get him up an hour early to have time to go pay it. whew. i would wake up in a panic all this week knowing the fight i had ahead of me to get him up. chain smoking and watching charmed at a barely audible level in the living room (M wakes up after i do, so i keep the tv low, i've woken him up with it a couple of times and felt really bad about it). now maybe i can relax. he also added another task to my list for today, cleaning out the fireplace. i've only ever done it once, he always does it. so that's a new thing i can take over doing. it isn't like it will need to be done for a while soon, with the summer and everything, but while it's cool outside and there's free firewood on the side of the street on doc's way home, we'll have fires.
i think i've run out of things to talk about. i hope everyone has a good day.