Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i'll repeat myself, why is everything so complicated?

paperwork, taxes we'll owe on . . . the constant brushes with poverty. i'm sick of this shit. and i'm sure doc's life would be better without me, i cannot leave him. i'll never find someone i love as much as him, no matter how apathetic he is toward me. i just have no tolerance, no patience for anything but doc. i'm not ready to be a grown up. and somehow i reached 40.

i can't even comb the rats nest out of my hair. i cut most of it off to make things easier, but it hasn't and doc won't help me with it. i'm so bored with myself. i'm tired of being so useless and helpless. i know, i say this often and don't seem to do anything to change it. but i am changing, i'm becomming more responsible, a bit more reliable. it just doesn't help anything and it's too late in coming to save my marriage.

off topic, thankfully . . .

felix has this trick where he climbs the stucco walls to try to get at the birds on the roof. i'd be much more amused if we didn't live on the second floor. i've even thought of video taping it so i can youtube it but i'm more concerned with him not falling and breaking himself. if anything happened to that cat, i would just die. he follows me around like a puppy, sleeps on the bed whenever i sleep and gets up when i do. it's while i'm watching tv in the morning that he does his climbing thing. he interracts with the other cats well, play fighting with M's two cats. he still doesn't like doc or M, which has made him my cat as much as my clinging to his love and attention has. and i'm glad i changed his name from leonard, that name was just not him.

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