i need to cut my nails, i can't type with these talons i've grown. what a pain in the ass.
i went out yesterday, i know, we all knew that wouldn't end well. i walked up to get cigarettes and cola. to my credit, i didn't start freaking out until i started on my way home. and all i remember of the walk back is looking at my feet and chanting, "i wanna be home now."
tomorrow i have a doctor's appointment. that will be a four hour trip, i have to get there an hour before the doctor even comes in because of the bus schedule. i hate these trips and after tomorrow, when doc is going with me, i will be expected to do this alone from now on. *fuckinglosingitatthethought*
then there's the huge shrink and therapy bills i just got because the billing was done wrong and i have to make a bunch of phone calls about it. and with the medication, we have rather comprehensive insurance, plus i have medicare and it makes me ineligible for most help programs. and when i said my one med, invega, will cost me $600, i failed to mention the nearly $1500 the plan covers. for three month's supply. and i'm not kidding, that is the actual amount, no exaggeration here. it's because the med is brand new, so the pharma company is trying to recoup the research money and there's no generic yet. there's still no generic for seroquel, which makes that one prohibitively expensive, too. i'm going to ask to try risperdal again. that's the one that makes me photophobic, and that should be cool because i live in the bloody desert.
but this too shall pass. i'll change meds. i'm prepared for the symptoms now and just the schizophrenia doesn't make me a danger to myself or others unless it's really bad. and we just won't let it get bad. or really bad. goddamn, someday i just want to be stable for 6 months. that's all i fucking ask.