i have a picture of someone else's cats as my desktop. oddly, they nearly look like leeloo and felix. i don't even know where i got the picture. it replaced the Thin White Duke mugshot i had up for about a month.
felix is circling me. he curled up with me this morning and proceeded to take a bath. after about a half an hour i couldn't take it anymore and got up. when i went back to be he curled up with me and since i've been up he's been hovering around me. last night i saw him walk out of the fireplace. he's cleaned since and gotten his paws back to white from grey.
sunday mornings are a flurry of boredom.
i was in the bath half asleep the other night and remembered going to the three stooges film festival at the Syria Mosque (a gorgeous old theater in pittsburgh that was unceremoniously torn down to make more parking) with Jeff a couple of years. that's how it happens, memory comes up randomly and i have to deal with it. now anger finally takes over denial. bargaining likely won't come, i've no one to bargain with, i'm not a curse-the-gods kind of person. that leaves us with depression, already creeping in, and finally acceptance. come on acceptance. let me be happy with the memories i have and know he's always in my heart.