Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

  • Mood:

*weep*

new kitty is now too weak to resist when we pick him up. he's lost weight since he got here last thursday. and he just won't eat. we don't have money for vet bills. we don't have money for my own meds. we can't give him the care he needs and he is not assimilating. i am no advocate of taking an animal to a shelter, even a no kill one, but i think it's time to consider it. i never got over henry's death, i can't deal, and i mean cannot deal with another hopelessly sick cat. i have nightmares about him every night. i'm afraid every time i walk into the bathroom to see him that he's going to be dead. this cannot go on. he doesn't even hiss when one of the other cats comes into the bathroom, and it isn't acceptance, he's just too weak. there have been hopeful moments, but he's not drinking, all he does is sleep. when i make him sit up or stand up he rocks back and forth like he's going to fall down. it's killing me to watch.

keep in mind that M brought him into this house and for some reason it has fallen to me to deal with it. M wants nothing to do with it. he hasn't even been into see him since new cat took up residence in our bathroom.

i'm going to go try to feed him some roast chicken later, right now i'm trying to get him to eat his fortified wet food. maybe the owner (i say that because M insists this is only for a couple of months, though she said she was never getting another pet because she had such a hard time giving them up, so i don't know what's going on) can come over and try to feed him. but at some point it will be too late and the fat will start storing in his liver. his stomach is bloated, he meows in pain when he's picked up. this is a cat that needs help and i can't give it to him.

i've been having a bad week as it is for entirely different reasons, a really hard week that could have landed me in the hospital, but i won't go because of this cat. i'm under close supervision from my psychiatrist and i just . . . can't. i feel like a piece of shit for it, but there it is. i can only take so much and i'm on the edge.

enough of this trip. i have a workroom to clean out and a kitchen to clean. then i need to clean my dresser off. and polish the silverware, the dishwasher leaves them all spotty. and in between spend time with mr. kitty and try to get him some love and try to get him to eat. plus i need to figure out a way to bring it up to M so that there is some resolution now. so i can stop crying. that is very wearing.
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