so i'm in a fuck of a mood. i've kept it hidden almost to my breaking point. i've been trying to compensate for not hurting myself by trying to treat myself really well. i use three products on different places of my face, i use the expensive lotion, today i will give myself a manicure. all i want is to be alone but there is always someone around. doc is staying home today. M gets home relatively early. my alone time is short if at all. and i never know when M will be home, so i never know if i have the time to go through my ritual of hurting myself, that is a deterrent. M and i are great friends, i don't want my crazy to come between us.
he's like the brother that my brothers never could be to me, simply because they are related to me and M isn't. he didn't come from the poison family i did, so we can be friends. so long as i'm not too crazy. he doesn't need to see that. he's seen a lot, and i'm honest with him about stuff. i told him about the names the voices were calling out. i give him a lot of credit, he takes everything in stride. i wonder if he'll visit me in rehab. i know he hates hospitals.
Ani DiFranco - As Is