Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

"she's the second best killer that i ever have seen"

arg and rarr! i cannot find a disk i need to play the sims. arg to that. i spent a few hours last night shopping for a new video card and then sat down with doc (okay, i was sitting in the tub in a fetal position while he helped wash my hair) and talked about getting a new card so i could game because at least i would be thinking and interracting with something rather than watching tv. this is a good thing. then i told him it would cost about $200 and he said,l "i was not prepared for that" and i knew why, he wants to go see his parents soon. okay, so no video card.

we used to have a friend who had a friend at one of the big casino/hotels that got hand me downs from the tech department and would probably have some cherry thing for me. but i haven't talked to him for a long while. and i hate hate hate asking people for things. i've got more pride than i need.

so i will find that disk and ask permission to play spore on M's machine when he isn't home. and sims was crashing anyway, likely a problem with the video card as well. and i still have Tempest on M's PS2 left over from my Play Station. a classic. i suck at it, but that's half the fun, i've been playing it for a quarter of a century in one format or another and i have always sucked at it and always loved it.

i have to go to bed before doc, it's this weird thing i have. i just need to be asleep before he comes to bed, which has me going to bed at 9 at night and getting up at 9 in the morning. a bit of a change for my system. more hours to watch the news and the train crash that is the stock market. every morning they say it will bounce back that day, but it doesn't, and how much of a bounce do we need to set things right at this point?

and now that they are talking about corporations and payrolls being in trouble because of the short term loans that keep corporations afloat, i start to worry. doc works for a very large, international company, i worry. will they be affected by this?

speaking of doc, he got the promotion he wanted!!! with a nice raise, thank you very much. my man is the man. his company likes to hire from within. i'm familiar with it because i worked for a different division of this company a few years ago.

i got a pack of padded shipping envelopes the other night so when i sell something on ebay i can stop stressing how i'm going to send it and just get it out of here. and i have so much to put up on ebay. i took a few photos and need to take about 50 more. i have a serious backlog of inventory. it should go fast once i put it up. most of it is gay pride stuff and that sells fast and steady

M just left for work. heh, i thought he was gone already. i really am up early.

i'm on my full dosage of topamax and have noticed i have sore joints, that's new and a listed side effect. days melt into each other in a most disconcerting way, what i say or remember can no longer be trusted. this means i lose every argument by default and it really sucks. i've also lost some coordination, i couldn't get out of the bathtub on my own last night, a hopeless feeling if there ever was one. so that's memory, joints, and coordination. oh, and dizziness. i've had to sit down or fall down a few times now. i'm used to fainting, now at least there is a reason for it. nothing i can't live with if i lose weight. anything is worth it if i lose weight. being skinny will push my self esteem up to the point that it is no longer an issue, it's the only thing i can't seem to change about myself.

today marks day one without seroquel. it should be here tomorrow or the next day. i found an eraser (to the uninitiated, it's my instrument of self-mutilation), and i'm trying to forget where i saw it. that, of course, stays in my mind. i have to not hurt myself for doc. he can't take it, he says. i don't understand this, but i go along with it as far as i can.

it's october, which means it's only a couple of months before i can start decorating for xmas. and in the move in of M, i found all my decorations, so this year will be extra festive. we'll be extra broke because doc's trip home will be between now and then, but the house is going to look extra festive! i need to make an xmas icon. or find one.

wow, this is long, time to stop, or i will write all day, i feel especially lucid today. but then, i haven't taken my meds yet. hee.

Fratellis - Flathead
Tags: doc, ebay, games, geek, meds, news, stock market, stupid self mutilation

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