Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i wake up and don't know where i am. i take a couple hours for lucidity and then i take my meds and wait for the sweet oblivion of the medications to kick in. it slows my thoughts enough for me to boot some out so they leave me alone. it has been quieter in my head. i welcome that quiet.

the physical effects will lessen, i hope. it seems to hit me weird and different each time. but i will get used to them, they will get better.

and i am better. no urges to hurt myself, no urges to take illegal drugs.

from here i can see the end of my bed. there is barely enough light for the shadow, but i can see a slight gleam that is the helmet i had to wear around the house just a couple of months ago. now it just sits at the end of my bed.

we were supposed to go for walks this weekend but it didn't happen. we will. it's spring here and we both have the desire to be out in the fresh air. instead we watched movies and sci fi's marathon of some cool show i don't remember the name of. doc cleaned up around the place and kept me in coffee. i was mostly useless because of the meds. i vacuumed the apartment. it doesn't seem like much right now, but at the time it was a big deal.

i painted my nails the green color i bought last weekend. they look great. little girly things are things i cling to. painted nails, cleansing my face, moisturizing my face. these are a few of my favorite things. things that Alisa has taught me. eye cream, body lotion and nail polish. all things that Alisa taught me. it is comforting to pamper yourself, and it is so easy. it takes so little time.

T came over last night for a couple of beers and he probably thinks i'm the rudest thing going. i hid in my room. i needed my room last night. i just did. i did talk to him for a minute and thanked him for taking doc to walmart, asked him how he was.

does anyone know the way to change weapons in Doom using the keyboard? i've given up on getting the mouse to work. but the game is a lot more fun when i can shoot with something other than the pistol. doc and i are retro gaming. he's playing an old game called Hitman and i'm all about the Doom.

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