Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

at alisa's request: how am i getting out of the house?

it's true i have been going out more, and more and more on my own. just to run to the corner or the grocery. and i sometimes take the bus to the corner, the far corner. and how am i doing this with my agoraphobia?

if it's a planned outing, i stress all out about it. i take comfort in getting ready to go somewhere. the steps it takes to get out of the house are something i find almost soothing. especially soothing when i am really stressed about leaving the house. getting my bag ready, finding my hat, laying out my clothes, all little things that gang up and help me.

but what i have found is that if i don't think about it, if i just put my boots on and grab my wallet, it is much easier to get out. and i stay on a little high until i get about to the street. then i get scared, but tell myself it's too late to turn back.

i haven't had much need for an mp3 player, but now i'm thinking i want one, the CD player is too cumbersome. i'd love a small thing i can put into my pocket. maybe i'll price some out. i don't want an ipod, i don't need the name brand. as long as it has the same memory capacity of a CD, i don't mind listening to songs over and over.
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