Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

i am so pissed

my new doctor ditched my chart of over five years and started a new one. then he gave me a religious pamphlet, then he took me off the Cymbalta becuase it is an anti depressant and though it has worked wonders for me he wanted me off of it because he said that it was shown to cause cycling, like my self destructiveness a couple of months ago. so what wonder drug is he putting me on? FUCKING PROZAC. CAN WE GO BACK IN TIME TO THE 90S? AND PROZAC IS AN ANTI DEPRESSANT, HOW IS IT NOT GOING TO CAUSE THE OCCASIONAL CYCLING JUST LIKE THE CYMBALTA DID? AND I HAVE TO GO PAY FOR IT BECUASE THOUGH HE HAS TONS OF FREE CYMBALTA, HE HAS NO PROZAC SAMPLES. AND HE ASKED ME IF I KNEW WHAT I COULD DO WHEN I WANTED TO HURT MYSELF, I EAGERLY AWAITED HIS WISDOM. IT WAS THIS: CALL 911, THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO. 911 IS NOT FOR MY MENTAL BREAKDOWN, IT IS FOR EMERGENCIES. HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT IF I HURT MYSELF I GO INPATIENT. NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS. FUCKING FUCKER FUCKING GAVE ME A RELIGIOUS GUIDE TO HEALTH AND WELL BEING. FUCKER. I AM NOT, I REPEAT NOT GOING BACK TO HIM. I WILL FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR AND FIND A WAY TO GET TO HIM/HER. NO TALK OF THERAPY, JUST EXERCISE, DIET AND GOD. FUCKER. THE ONE PLACE I SHOULD BE SAFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I WANT TO GO BACK INPATIENT. I WANT TO TRY THE ECT ON THE PROPER SIDE OF MY HEAD. I WANT THE DOCTORS TO FIGURE OUT MY MEDICATION WHERE THEY CAN WATCH ME. AND WHERE THEY WON'T GIVE ME FUCKING PROZAC.
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