Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

gods am i wiped out. i just spent the last hour reading about henry's final month and tagging the entries. now i'm weeping uncontrolably and praying i can get my composure back by the time doc gets home. he will tsk tsk about me reading the henry entries.

he tsks anything that could throw off the delicate balance i try to keep in my mind. it's why he doesn't want me to watch gory horror movies, he's afraid something will trigger me and set off the balance.

but since we're here . . . i still can't believe he's gone. i look at pictures of him almost daily. and he was just a cat. i can't even think about what i was like when my sister died. i don't like death. no shit, i know. but it's true, there is no part of it i like. or can get comfortable with.

i told doc a while ago i want a kitten. i'm ready. he isn't. and has a list of reasons why it is impractical. i just don't think he's ready to let another life in to love. henry's death hit him as hard if not harder than me. we were both thinking until the last day that he was going to get better. but he didn't. and now i'm ready to love another cat but doc isn't.

so i'll get my tears out now, before he comes home. and then he won't have to deal with it.
Tags: henry
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