Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

after a day off

yesterday was shrink appointment day. i took the bus up and back by myself. even got off the bus early so i could stop and get a fountain soda.

my shrink is quitting private practice at the end of the month. i saw him for the last time. i'm sad and a bit scared, but he is doing it because he is working full time at the VA hospital. he's doing good work and i can't fault him that. the good news is that he doubled my klonopin dose, which will stop me popping handfuls (just kidding, i only take two at a time), and he had samples of cymbalta to tide me over for a month.

i had my David Bowie faves CD i made with me and i was in my own little world while walking, thinking and remembering. the past is more clear since the ECT. it's just the present that is muddied. does this mean that what is the present will some day become clear to me as the past? ouch.hee.

when i got home doc went out to pay the cable bill so i get internets back today.

then T came over and brought movies. we watched "Factory Girl" about Edie Sedgewick and the Warhol-ness of her life. i love the myth of Edie. T had never heard of her. So i filled in details that the movie left out. it was a fun night. the movie was good, great eye candy. and it stuck to her biography pretty well. my only complaint was that there weren't more people from the factory hanging around Edie and shooting up with her. it made it seem like it was all between Andy and Edie and there was a lot more to it than that. only complaint. right there. it was a good movie and i would watch it again. i think i'll go over to netflix and rate it.

i can't wait to get back online. there is a new online toy i want to play with.

plus, i didn't realize how much i depend on the net in the mornings. it's part of my schedule. yesterday i spent a few hours rearranging pictures on my hard drive. that was exciting.

T left the second Pirates movie over hear for me to watch.

i still haven't decided whether to stay up or go back to sleep for a couple of hours.

i was doing the dishes yesterday when it suddenly occurred to me how lucky i am to have my freedom. something as simple as doing the dishes triggered an appreciation for my freedom. i put on David Bowie loud and sang and danced. i zoomed around the house doing all manner of things that i can do only because i am free. it saddened me how i never appreciated it before. sure, right when i get home from hospital i revel in the freedom, but that feeling wears off and i need to conciously remind myself how good i have it.
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