and i read this, "i smile a lot more now. happiness is a default setting." what happened to that? i'm so blank now. i have what is called a flat affect. sometimes i have the return of the mindless anger. but happiness as a default setting, i need that back.
and i read this, "i'd write more, but i really can't think clearly right now and it is frustrating me to try." and that is what i feel almost all the time now, and it was right after an ECT session. scary.
i stopped here. i had forgotten this part of things. i wonder if i made the right decision, still. i wonder if i had finished the treatments, if things would be better. i have no real reason to think so since i'm still all memory challenged.
but enough of that . . .
in completely other news . . .
i find that i am crushing hard on an lj friend. this never happens to me. i won't do anything about it, the person is involved, but i find it kind of interesting.
Snakes on a Plane and Top Secret should be in the mailbox waiting for us. i've been trying to get my butt out the door all morning. i woke up/got up at 8:30. i think i'll take my meds and take a nap. i wanted to play with my beading stuff today. after nap. i also have pictures to take of stuff that isn't listed anywhere. so i have things to do. i need to push myself to do them. especially because i know that at least three items will sell immediately. and there are other pieces that are perfect for summer. incentive to get it done. do i remember how to do my ebay listings? i did it when kelli got here. that was a few months ago, but i figured it out then, i should be able to figure it out again.