this tells me that i haven't given up hope, like i feel i have. there is still a lot of hope inside me and apparently a lot of power. if my subconcious is changing "reality" to better outcomes, it means that some part of me is still in control.
doc and i have been talking about my memory problems and the results of the year long memory dump that the ECT caused. i've come to terms with forgetting a season of a show i like, and losing a year of memories with doc. but i haven't dealt with the wall of creativity (literally a wall of shelves with all my supplies stored neatly) and the memory loss there. i still don't know how i made the books. i know i did it, but i don't remember how. and that scares me away from the wall. but i should be embracing the wall, making it my own again.
i think i'll start with the jewelry. or maybe the CD suncatchers. i have plenty of things to do, it's just a matter of not letting them scare me anymore. i created the wall, i put everything up on it, it's mine.