aside from going for more walks, things are the same. tomorrow doc is making a shrink appointment for me. i've already missed two months. i need to go check in with him because i think i need my medication adjusted. i'm getting used to the xanax and am needing to take more of it. that isn't good. i want to switch back to klonopin for a while.
i've been avoiding my email. which is stupid. i don't get much, you'd think i could deal with it.
i have fun on my walks. kelli and i don't talk much, but we have fun just getting out.
and speaking of getting out, doc is taking me to an asian buffet today for dinner. for no reason at all. just because. how adorable is that? plus it means he is willing to go out in public with me, which normally he doesn't like to do. he keeps too close an eye on me and worries too much. sometimes when i'm out i get a little flippy, but i'm very good at holding my shit together if at a restaurant.
i couldn't speak of holding my shit together unless i mentioned the obsession i've got going with the hospital. it is all i think about, i even dream about it. it has moved up to the place of safety and is always on my mind. and since this is the time of year i historically lose my shit, i'm working extra hard on keeping it together. i am not going back to the hospital until i can go and get ECT on the proper side of my head. my memory really can't get any worse, so i see no harm in getting it again. if done right, no point in having it done wrong again.
i was wondering the other night if i had any legal recourse regarding what happened. just a passing thought the other night as i was falling asleep.