Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

we walked up to the store yesterday.

doc and i got in a fight about me sleeping during the day/all day.

we resolved that quickly.

leeloo jumped up in my lap and lay down yesterday. she stayed for about 20 minutes. they all seem happier with the addition of the wet food to their diet. which reminds me that i forgot to get more at the store yesterday. doc is off tomorrow, we can go do it then.

i've been doing so well with kelli, going out of the house and going to the store, that i want to go out with doc and show him how much i have improved. but he is reluctant.

we were talking last night, doc and i, and he asked me if i was feeling like a certain other person. and i said, "if you mean washed up and without any sort of creativity, then, yes". i don't mention the name because it was mean, and not entirely true of the person currently. i was feeling mean at the time.

doc mentioned i looked full of hate.

i don't know what is wrong with me. i'm taking my meds like i should. i'm getting out of the house. PMS can no longer be applied. maybe doc is right about the post holiday sadness stuff. maybe i need more sunlight. maybe i need to get off the cross, build a bridge, and get over it (credit for that goes to christopher titus).

i should force myself to create. fake it until it comes naturally again.

i still have the tree up. i'll take it down today or tomorrow. kelli took the outside lights down. i need to pack it all up with the lights i got on clearance and put it away for next year. i have all of the boxes that the glass ball ornaments came in. so packing it up should be easy.

funny thing how . . . i just wrote about my creative block and i feel better and less constricted by it. had i known, i would have written about it weeks ago. hell, maybe i did.

that's another thing, my memory bums me out. and i'm not doing things like keeping a list to remember things. so i really need to do that because i keep forgetting the things that doc wants me to do during the day. if i remember them, i get them done right and quickly.

i have to iron his shirts. that is my task today. iron the shirts. the iron is in the closet with the ironing board. check.

now maybe i'll remember it and get it done. there is comfort in the repitition of ironing. i say i hate to do it, but i really don't. i just hate that there are always so many shirts at once to iron. now that we share a room, i can hopefully keep up with his ironing.

another thing i have to do is clean my part of the messy bedroom. then we can see where we are at.

tomorrow i go to get my ID! i feel so legal! hopefully i can turn that into a driver's liscense soon. that will be really cool.

we are deciding what to do with the car. i am calling today to find out what the current cost is. tomorrow doc is getting the permit to move the car, so if we get it back, which it is looking like right now, we can move it here. i just want to junk it. either way we are going to have to pay out the nose for it and once we get it back here we have to keep having the same fight over it, unless i can get a liscense. it is doc's decision. i've given him my input but i don't want to nag at him. so i won't. it is his car. i sold my truck back in PA. so it's up to him. i'm not going to stress about it. out of my hands. out of my head.

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