i had a dream about something other than henry last night. it was about a tabby kitten. why we had it, i don't know. i'm not ready. sure, i want to fill the hole in the family, but not yet. i miss the unconditional love . . . henry was all about me, he loved to sit with me and cuddle with me and sleep with me. the others don't do that much, though they have started to become more affectionate. especially jack.

kelli brought me the coolest ashtrays from the 60s. i'll have to take photos of them. they've been in use and need to be cleaned. she also brought me a book on las vegas history.

we've been watching a lot of tv. i need to get back to the computer and do stuff. i also need to start cleaning the house and taking care of things again. i freeze with grief. time to unfreeze. i can't bring henry back, no matter how many times i go over his last day in my head.

and if i'm dreaming of other kittens, instead of hank, my head must be telling me to move on.