i'm amazed at my cats. leeloo and jack have become more vocal and affectionate. chloe is still chloe, a whore for fuzzles. jack seems to know he's the only boy now. the tide has turned and he is outnumbered. but am i just projecting what i want to see from them?
the pain over henry is a dull ache. part of me knows he's better now. part of me is blank. and all of me seems to have lost a belief in something important. i only tear up when my eyes meet doc's. we have this thing we share now. it's impossible to explain. it really doesn't need explanation, though. it just is. we didn't think this would happen. not now. henry was getting better. this is a complete shock to us. and maybe we aren't practical because of that. it is what it is. it is sadness and loss. and it is shared.
we have to go sign our lease tomorrow. i still don't know if it will be for 6 months or a year. either way our rent goes up. and as much as i hate the management, we really don't have to deal with them much. just once a month for the car (yes, they still put tow warning stickers on the car every damn month).
i don't know what i am doing up at this hour. i just couldn't sleep any more. and not being asleep, i couldn't lay there anymore. what do i do for the few hours until doc or kelli wake up? be very quiet.
i need to finish making those candles. then i can put that mess away. maybe i'll do that today. i'll also work on my room. and i can certainly tidy the living room and workroom today.
maybe i'll go back to sleep for a while. the xanax is doing its job and i am calming down. i hate having to start the day with one. but i am meant to, according to the prescription. why do i feel guilty for taking it? i have to get over that.