and it didn't occur to me until a few minutes ago that he could die at the vet's and we won't see him again.
he must be so lonely and confused. he should be on an IV by now. i just wish i could be there with him for this. he's got to be so scared. he's always been a nervous cat and has never had to spend the night at the vet. so many strangers around, he's never liked strangers. he doesn't ever come out to the living room when we have company.
and i feel like an absolute shit mother that i didn't catch it much earlier. i pet him every day and loved on him. i do with all the cats. they are my everything. i pay attention to them. i checked his gums, but they are pink. and the light is so rotten in here, the insides of his ears didn't look yellow to me, not like they did in the vet's office. i don't just feed them and leave them on their own. so how could this happen?
we knew he was losing weight. but we thought it was the new diet and we thought it was a good thing. it wasn't until i picked him up (which i normally don't do because he's so fat he hates it) that i noticed he weighed way less than he should. but he still for all intent looked fat. i didn't notice the loose skin. i didn't notice his ears. i thought he was doing better. and he was getting worse. how could i let that happen?
when the guy started to talk about cost, doc and i at the same time said "it doesn't matter". the tests and such, as a low estimate (if he only has to stay one night) he quoted us $300. fine. we have it. if it costs more, we have it. our funds are far from unlimited, but we happen to have just enough of a surplus to take care of this right now. we may have to go without cable for a week or so, maybe more and i don't care. henry bubby wubster is my baby. i just want him back. i'm all about force feeding him and giving him meds and whatever we have to do, i just want my bubby bear back.
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