so it isn't really "erg". but it was in the moment. the moment i looked at the printer disk i had closely and notice it had listed what was on it. a slap on the forehead and i'm on my way.
i need to record a podcast today. and i will, since doc is out of the house. he took the last two days off and threw me off my schedule completely. today i can go back to what i do and planned to do and all of that.
it isn't until i take a xanax in the morning and calm the hell down. mornings are stressful as all get out. i need to get up and take the xanax immediately. and i haven't been doing that. i've been waiting until i start to freak out, then taking it. doc learned yesterday that seroquel and neurontin alone, though they may put me to sleep if i let them, will not calm me down.
and it isn't him that makes the mornings stressful, i just wake up in a semi-panicked mode. i don't know why. some days it is just best to wake up, medicate and then go right back to sleep.
i will not let this be one of those days. i have shit to do, man.
the air is so dry, i've traded my cigarettes for lip balm to carry around the house with me. and ever since the restrictive smoking rules of the hospital, i smoke every cigarette down to the filter, even though i know it is going to burn. i keep thinking it won't burn. but every time, it does. and that makes my dry lips very bitchy. so lip balm it is. and i do carry it around with me, even though the apartment is small. the trappings of pockets. hee.
when we traded the tables out in here we took apart one of leeloo's hiding places. she had appropriated a black wool sweater (she's a white cat, so of course she did) and slept on it hard. it was so coated with fur i just threw it away. i had taken it apart and felted part of it, so it wasn't a wearable loss. in doing so we cleaned out a source of allergens, but we also upset the cat who pees when she's pissed. so i had dreams of her peeing near the front door right in front of me. the carpet there is dry, i checked it as soon as the dream came back to me. at least i don't dream of people trying to kill me like some people i know. that would suck hard.
time to figure out the podcast. i have nothing in mind, i only know it won't be an audio blog, i'm too prone to rambling and thinking i'm clever right now.