January 9th, 2018

2013, cyd, new

I can trust only you with this next level honesty

My Nana is dying. Slowly. It's to the point where the doctors can just make her comfortable as possible. I don't know if hospice care is in her future, or if she'll just go home from the hospital and let my uncle, PissFace, continue to care for her.

And I guess PissFace feels he is owed something and is already carving up the inheritance. But my mom does my Nana's books and will likely be the executrix of the will.

I'm just glad I am one person removed from all of this. I told Kraig I wanted the house, whatever shape it is in, my favorite childhood memories happened there. I never felt unsafe there. But I don't want to "lay claim" to anything because my Nana is still very much alive and that is her house.

Meanwhile my father is dancing with death and they keep fighting over who is leading. My brother takes care of him when my mom is at work or in Oakland to see my Nana. 

Ok, I have unloaded. No emotional stuff, I can't even begin to comprehend the loss of the person I most love, and the person I most hate near to death. I'm just pushing the emotions down right now. There is no point in mourning the living. I see no sense in it. I have my little black dress for his funeral. I won't be going to hers. My mom won't have one. Maybe a memorial service. I don't expect to be notified about either, though I made my brother promise me. If it comes down to me or mom, he will choose her. So I don't make him choose.

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